The Wedding Dress: Part 3

I thought my wedding dress was all figured out, but now BHLDN doesn’t have my size for the skirt. AWESOME. So what are my options?

  1. Pick out a different skirt in a size 4.
  2. Pick out the same skirt in a different size – they have both the size 2 and size 6.

I decide to do all three options. As long as I return the ones I don’t want in 30 days, they’re no extra charge. So I order the size 2, the size 6, and I pick out another skirt in a size 4. The other skirt is more expensive but looking online, I think I might like it more than the original. It’s got a high slit, which I love, but it’s fuller, heavier, and has a train, which I don’t love.

The dress comes in. I try on the top and zip it up. I am able to zip it up, but holy crap, I can’t breathe. I’m afraid that if I breathe all the way out, something is going to snap. Stephen witnesses this and I can feel myself about to freak out. I tried this exact size on in the store in early November and it fit perfectly. Now, after our week-long vacation in Puerto Rico, then Thanksgiving and Christmas, it doesn’t fit!!

I try to calm myself down but I can’t stand that Stephen is seeing this not fit me. He tries to tell me that it’s going to be fine. I try to tell myself, too, but I can’t help but feel horrible about myself for gaining weight, and panicked that I won’t fit into my dress. I take it off and am resolute – I just need to get rid of the holiday weight. I will quickly get back to where I need to be and everything will be fine. It’s totally fine.

As for the skirts, who was I kidding thinking I could squeeze into a size 2? That’s out. Oh, and isn’t this perfect – the size 6 pretty much fits me. Insert eye roll here.

I try on the new one – the size 4 with the slit. It’s tight. Are you kidding me? Did I really go up a whole size in less than two months? I hate myself.

Which skirt do I like better? I want to like the size 4 better. I decide to bring both into the tailor and see what she says. I try on the top and hold my breath, then put on the size 4 skirt. I stare at it in the mirror, wanting this to be it. I tell her that if I go with this skirt, I don’t want the train. Then I try on the size 6.

Yea, this is it. I like the weight of this skirt. And, eye roll again, this size 6 fits me better than the 4. I ask if it would be possible to put a slit in this skirt. She doesn’t recommend it, saying that it will collapse and I wouldn’t even really be able to tell that I have one. That’s fine by me, it’s not like I need the slit, anyway. I love how pretty this skirt is, just as it is.

“Are you planning on losing weight?” She doesn’t say this in a rude way. It’s more like, ‘Oh, bride-to-be’s always try to lose weight for their wedding. Is that what you’re doing?’ Without any shame I answer with a resounding, ‘Yes,’ so she tells me to come back in March. I then show her Mom’s veil. This is the first time I’m seeing it together with the dress. The lace in Mom’s veil matches the top of my dress PERFECTLY. I think it’s long and ask her if we should cut it. She looks at it and tells me that it’s a good length. Perfect, actually. And since I don’t have a train, the veil will look nice when I’m walking down the aisle.

This is great. I’m getting the cheaper skirt and I don’t have to make any changes to the veil. I come home feeling good. I pack up the size 2 and size 4 skirt to send back, then store the size 6 skirt and size 4 top in my closet. Now I just have to get back to a healthy diet so that my top doesn’t feel so tight. No problem.

Fast forward to March. I have not tried on my top since late December, but I have been doing incredibly well in the healthy living department. I feel great. I don’t own a scale, so I don’t know how much I weigh, but I know that I’ve lost weight. I can tell. I decide to try on my dress.

I put the top on and feel dread course through my body. It’s still tight. I still can’t breathe.

Kill me.



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