The Wrestler

November 2, 2016

Every morning, Steve and I meditate. Not together, obviously, but we use the same app (Headspace. I know, I’ve mentioned it numerous times), and do the same meditation each day. Every day is different.

It’s a guided meditation led by Andy. Just his voice. His calming voice with his even more calming British accent. I love this guy. Once you get past the intro level of 10 days, you can start meditating more specifically. For instance, Steve and I did an Anxiety pack (my choice, of course). Today, we started the Creativity pack. It was really different from anything we’ve done in the past because visualization is used. I struggle, because I’d much rather just focus on my breathing, but push through.

A memory pops up for me…

Back when I was a kid, my sisters and I would get dragged by my mother to my brother’s wrestling practice. These were held at The Wrestling Building. (Of course it had another name but that’s what I called it.) The building had two floors. The first floor looked old and brown and dusty with a few floor-to-ceiling poles here and there (which were possibly quite dangerous as our favorite thing to do was turn off all the lights and run around in complete darkness).

The second floor seemed brand-new and somehow cleaner than the first floor. The floors and walls were covered in bright green and white mats. Many times, both floors were jam-packed with boys and coaches and parents. I hated these times because there was literally nowhere for us to go. Nowhere for us to play. And Mom couldn’t let us go wandering off because we’d be in the way, no matter where we went.

Sometimes, though, the matches or practice would only be upstairs, leaving the downstairs completely open. This was great, because we could run around and do whatever we wanted! (This included crawling through rolled-up, super clean mats lying around.)

Even less times, the upstairs would be open, and THIS was heaven! It was impossible to walk into this bright, fun playroom and not immediately take off, sprinting around the room.

I remember this feeling. This feeling of fun and freedom and laughter and play. I remember it so vividly now. And when Andy tells me to let go and be with the light and let my mind wander, and I’m thinking, that’s a terrible idea, Andy, because now I’m going to think about what I have to do the rest of the day,… I see myself alone in the upstairs room of the Wrestling Building. Bright green and white and openness. I have it all right in front of me, and all I want to do is take off running around the room.

First I think, it’s so weird and random that I thought of this place. Then I think, I completely forgot about this feeling I used to get standing at the edge of this room. And then I think, this is AWESOME.

And as Andy tells me to bring my focus back to my body and my breath, I can’t help but feel the trace of a smile forming on my lips.

I have everything right in front of me. It’s time to play.

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