What Dreams May Come

March 29, 2016

I had a dream last night about a boy I’ve never met before. I’ve had a dream like this only a few times in my life and it’s always very exciting, like, is this person actually out there? (The answer is no because the person always changes and looks different, but I still can’t help but think it.)

His name was Ryan. He had sandy, blondish, almost curly hair (maybe like Kevin Potter), light blue or green eyes, probably about 5’ 10”. Not nerdy but definitely not one of the guys any of the girls had their eyes on. By “the girls” I think I mean The Dealer Dolls (which is the company I work for where we deal craps at corporate events and parties). We seemed to be working for this group of guys? I don’t know. The point is, I had known him for a bit, and one day realized, wow, I think he’s really cute. And a nice guy.

Ew. Scratch the nice guy part. I don’t ever want to say that about a guy again. Let me change it to… genuine.

So it’s his birthday, and there’s a cake with candles. There’s a group of us standing in my parents’ backyard. And the candles won’t light. Only a couple will, but never all of them at the same time. It’s frustrating and funny and we make a joke and sing happy birthday, anyway. Then he takes my hand and first spins himself around (that’s weird, and goofy) then spins me around and we stop and look at each other. I’m feeling bold and extremely attracted to him in this moment, and I feel like he feels the same way. I lean in for the kiss. He starts to lean in, too, but last second pulls away. “What are you doing? What is this?”


“You’re doing this so you can text Shawn?” (By Shawn he is referring to my old boss at the Gloucester County Times. No idea why, except that I know he thinks I’m doing it to make fun of him or get a laugh from my colleagues.)

What? No!

And he shakes his head and walks away from me, disappointed, even though I had no intention of texting Shawn or anyone about our magical moment.

We go about our business. We seem to be at an event, working. I know there will be the moment when he realizes that I actually like him, and it’s honest, because I really do like him, and then we’ll kiss and live happily ever after, but this moment never comes, and the dream changes.

Oh, well. Maybe next time, Ryan. 

March 30, 2016

Weird. Another dream last night about a person I’ve never met before. This wasn’t exactly a “dream guy.” Not at all. But he was so vivid and real to me. While not real at all. Very hard to explain…

Leading up to him, I had started to have a very Disney-esque dream. Like the Classic Disney movies. It was cartoonish and like a fairytale, but then it turned dark. Like real dark. People were being killed by some kind of beast in the woods (forest?… who knows).  Then this guy comes along. At first, he reminds me of Gaston, from Beauty and the Beast. I think because he’s super cartoony, and also super cocky and egotistical and flaunting his money.

I’m standing on my parents’ front lawn – again at my parents’ house – except this time some of my family is with me. Definitely my Mom. We’re all trying to figure out who is driving with who to get wherever we’re going.

Meanwhile, this fucking guy is speeding around the street in the most obnoxious car I’ve ever seen. And it’s ENORMOUS. Cartoonish. Blue. A really pretty, but obnoxious blue. He’s doing figure 8’s in front of our house and his car is so fucking loud.

I’m the only one who doesn’t have a spot in someone’s car, so I’ll have to wait until later when another car is leaving. My Mom turns to me, with a smile on her face, clearly ready to laugh.

“Or you can go with…” and she gestures to the guy in the massive car.

Absolutely not.

Now my Mom does laugh. He must be some kind of friend of the family or SOMETHING if my Mom is even trusting him to drive me around. Like a lunatic.

I look over at him, speeding around. Now he has a kind of Kevin Costner thing going on. Whatever. He’s still a dick. He’s got some girl in the car, too. Model-type. Scratch that. Just a hot blonde with blue eyes, enjoying the ride. (There’s another guy, too, but I completely forget what he looked like.)

He starts to peel out, actually leaving this time. I really don’t want to wait, or maybe I really DO want to ride with him. I’m intrigued and so annoyed by this person.

So I just say, Fine. And everyone on the front lawn yells to him as he’s speeding down the street. “Wait!”

He spins back around. His car is so loud as he returns to his figure 8’s. He looks at me and screams, “What??”

The incredibly loud noises continue. His car is so fucking loud. I huff and shake my head, then sarcastically put my hands in the air, as if turning a steering wheel. From down the street he sees me and spins the car back around, smiling.

“Oh you need a ride?? Of course I can give you a ride! I was hoping you would ride with us!”

I shake my head again. Who does this guy think he is? But I’m secretly happy with his response and try not to smile as I hold up my finger, letting him know to wait, and I run in the house to grab my stuff.

Once in the house, I can’t find everything I need. Or once I find one thing, I lose something else. I feel a little nervous and know that I want to look good. But all I’m looking for is my wallet, purse, lip gloss, and deodorant. Just leave already! But I can’t. I need my stuff, and I can’t find it.

I’m afraid he might not wait for me much longer. He definitely wanted me to go with him, but a guy like that doesn’t REALLY care if I go with him.

I’m realizing I’m excited to go with him. I really hope he didn’t leave yet… but I don’t hear the car anymore.

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