Girl Most Likely

Let’s talk about being single… and 30. How to be single (and 30)?

I don’t like the idea of playing games. I’d rather just be honest about how I feel. And trust me, I will tell you everything I’m feeling if you ask me to my face, even when I should just shut the fuck up and keep it to myself. But I’m realizing that there really is no avoiding games. Especially through text. You have to play the game. I think I’m pretty good at the text game. I have control over that. But if I like you, and we’re hanging out together, alone, I’m fucked. I say every single thing that pops into my head and I’m a total spaz.

Remember Bryan Jordan? Yea, that guy I liked? This is so crazy, but he actually DIED.

I know, right?! He’s actually dead. How awful is that? So terrible.

I actually have no idea if he’s alive or not, but I haven’t heard from him in almost three weeks, so he must be dead. Definitely died.

Moving on.

I’m at work, on a Tuesday night, and there’s a guy standing at the bar with his two friends. We make eye contact. He might be cute.

Next time I walk by him, we make eye contact again. Definitely cute.

I walk by him a few more times and every single time, we make eye contact, to the point that I’m now talking about it with my co-workers. Like, this is getting ridiculous. I walk by him one more time and we make eye contact, this time I actually smile at him.

Walk over to the server station where Mazza and Samantha are putting in orders. OK guys, it’s to the point that I HAVE to say something, like, it will be awkward if I don’t say something. That’s how many times we have made eye contact.

I talk to Rocco (mistake No.1), and want to get his opinion. There’s this guy at the bar, he might be cute, but I want to know what you think. Rocco immediately starts to walk away from me to walk behind the bar and check this guy out. I stop him. Rocco, don’t say anything. “I would never do that to you.” (So sincere.)

And off he goes. I get back to work, waiting on my tables. A few minutes later, Rocco walks over to me. “So I just bought your man and his two friends a round of drinks and told them they were from one of the waitresses working tonight,” Rocco! Oh my God, I hate you! Why would you do that? “What?? He doesn’t know it’s you.” I roll my eyes and walk away, now completely avoiding the guy.

But Samantha and Mazza know what’s going on, so they are going out of their way to walk by him and make eye contact with him. At one point he says to Mazza, “Are these from you?” Mazza coyly shrugs her shoulders, smiling as she walks away from him.

So moral of this story is, ladies, if you are out, and think you are having a non-verbal connection with a guy, you probably aren’t. He’s probably looking at you and thinking about baseball. Or porn. I don’t fucking know, but he’s definitely not noticing that you keep making eye contact. Christ.

Rocco lets me know periodically what’s “going on,” since he’s behind the bar, talking to Cute Guy. He decides that he likes this guy. “He’s a nice guy, I like him. I approve. Really nice guy.” Then Jordan comes over at some point, because he’s bartending tonight, too. “Stets…” He nods his head. “He’s a good one.”

OK OK, guys, I get it. Rocco is having way too much fun with this. “I’m going to start doing this every night! Even if you don’t like anyone. Just give some guys a round of drinks and tell them their from one of you.”

Perfect. Finally, when I can’t avoid him any longer, I walk over to Cute Guy. His two friends have walked away, conveniently. Hi.

He’s extremely nice. Up close, I can tell he’s older. In a good way.


Tuesday before, I go to The Basement after work with some co-workers. Spot a good looking guy across the bar, standing with his friend. Decide to walk over and say hi. Feeling bold. (Jameson is good for that.) I introduce myself, they both shake my hand. How you guys doing? Good, good, blah blah blah. So what brings you out on a Tuesday night?

“Spring Break.”

Awesome! See ya later!

Back to present…

Cute Guy has gotta be in his 30’s.

We chat for a few minutes (I’m still working) and overall impression, really nice guy. Not the usual banter I’m used to with a guy, but at this point, I really can’t rule out what hasn’t worked for me in the past. I’m always attracted to the guys who give me a hard time, but maybe I shouldn’t be attracted to that. Who fucking knows. I give him my number and off he goes.

We shall see. Not that I care. Whatever. I’m totally cool. Coolest single person ever.

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