Gone Fishin’

Nina goes home to Jersey for a week so I go out and find a new friend.

Not really, but it’s weird how it happens like that. I wait on this girl one night at Brick and she’s talking to the two friends she’s with about pizza and how there’s no good pizza here. Well, I had just very recently been to an amazing pizza place (with Nina) and felt the need to intrude on her conversation. Have you ever been to NY&C? “No.” I just went there for the first time. It’s so good. “Yea, but I’m from Jersey, we have a different standard.” Um, girl, I’m from Jersey. And I’m telling you. “Oh my God, what part of Jersey are you from?” And so goes that conversation. Her name is Dana. She’s blonde, tiny, loud, and has something to say. I like her. We exchange numbers and plan to meet up soon.

Less than two weeks later, on a Monday, I walk out of my hot yoga class (signed up for four months because – it’s amazing) and get in the elevator of the parking garage across the street. A girl steps on before me. “What floor?” Five. Oh my God! We both freak out because of course, it’s Dana. “Were you just in my hot yoga class???” Uh, yea! How did I not see you? “This is crazy. We’re meant to be friends. And we’re both on the fifth floor. This is meant to be.”

Dana and I go to the same barre class at 10:30 am for the rest of the week. We walk next door afterwards to Nektar, the juice place, and order drinks. She buys mine for me, which is highly unnecessary and very nice. She also knows everyone that works here. And this is not a girl to just say hello. Dana makes her presence known. She’s cracking jokes with the staff and knows all their names. A regular. We’re having a conversation, I don’t remember what about, but everyone else in the place hears what we’re talking about because she does not give a fuck. She’s just a loud, no-nonsense Jersey girl.

So Dana invites me out Thursday night to hang out with some of her girlfriends. (Being the new me, I say yes, or as Amy Poehler would say, yes, please.) She also lets me know that a guy from Plenty of Fish (the dating site) will be meeting us there. Ohh, will that be awkward? “No! I can talk to anybody!” OK, yea, that doesn’t surprise me.

So I meet Dana and her girlfriends (and Plenty of Fish guy) at this place little Italian place. I like her girlfriends. Devon reminds me of Meryl Streep, Chupa reminds me of Diablo Cody (for some reason), and Juliette looks like she should be in the movie, The Craft.

And then there’s Plenty of Fish guy. I don’t remember his name. But he’s weird. Just an awkward guy. I sit across from him. He’s sweating a lot. Dana starts showing me pictures on her phone of this guy’s “profile.” They are all shirtless selfies of a dude with a ripped body (if you’re into that kind of thing). The guy sitting across from me, is definitely not this guy. Not even a little bit.

We have been catfished.

Dana takes it in stride, not calling him out on his crazy lie. He then proceeds to order not one, but two full dinners, and when the girls order a bottle of wine, he asks for a glass, because I guess he thinks that’s OK. I’m sure it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if he actually paid for it, but after the meal, he hands Dana a 20 and calls it a day.

Fuckin’ weirdo. We quickly ditch him and move on to the next bar. We all decide that there is actually something wrong with this guy, mentally, and sort of feel bad for him. But still… fucking crazy.

This is my first night hanging out with this girl. Jesus. What’s going to happen next time?


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