50 Shades of Grey

Nina and I make plans to go to hot yoga one night. Because we’re addicted. She picks me up at my place and good thing, too, because if she didn’t, I probably would have bailed. #accountabilitypartner

To be fair, I already went at 6:45am this morning. I know, I’m an animal (not really… I didn’t go Monday because I was busy and I didn’t go Tuesday because I was incredibly hungover all day, because that’s totally normal). So we get to class and we’re laying on our mats next to each other (side note: I have still not purchased “yoga” towels so I am using my enormous “Cali Girl” beach towel Mom got me). Nina whispers (because you have to whisper in yoga), “Wanna share your towel with me?” Go fuck yourself. Then she whispers again. “Wanna see 50 Shades of Grey?” Tonight?? “Yea.”

In my head, I say no, immediately. You know why? Because it wasn’t planned, and I can’t do things that aren’t planned. But I lay there and think, can I really not go see this movie? Do I want to see this movie? I mean, I definitely wasn’t planning on seeing it in theaters, but I’m definitely “curious.” (Oh my God, worst joke ever.) And a big New Years Resolution/life change I’ve been working on is being spontaneous and letting things happen as they happen, so I just say, I don’t know, let me think.

Class is so fucking hard. It’s so fucking hot. Which is ridiculous to even say that because it’s called hot yoga, but man, is it hot in there! I think I’m gonna die.

Thankfully, I don’t.

We walk out of there, I think sweating more than I ever have in my life. And can’t move. We sit on a bench in the lobby area. There’s a girl next to us. “Am I red?” I look over at her. She is. She starts saying more and I cut her off to explain to Nina. Oh my God, this was the girl who was so nice to me and told me to keep coming (because I went to a class in the very beginning, a barre class, and I sucked. Hard. At one point, in one position or pose or whatever you wanna call it, the teacher goes, “Now I know it’s easy to look over at your neighbor and think, I wish I was as flexible as them… and I look over at this girl and say out loud, “Yup.” I mean seriously, I’m on one knee with the other leg straight in front of me. I’m supposed to be bending all the way down to the ground, and I’m practically straight up and down with a block on either side of me because everything hurts. Always. And she looks over at me and says, “Just keep coming. I was way worse than you when I started. I probably had two blocks.” Isn’t that so sweet? She’s surely lying, but sweet all the same). Now I find out her name is Rachel. She’s really nice.

Nina and I finally leave. We are so disgusting. Get in the car and drive a few blocks to TJMaxx, so I can finally purchase a yoga towel. And now we’re still talking about going to see this movie. I tell her on the drive how I’m trying to just do this and be OK with it, but then of course I start planning everything. We need to book the movie tickets now. She does it on her phone. We also need some clothes to change into, because we’re freezing in our sweat drenched clothes. This is giving me so much anxiety. Nina picks out cute jean shorts and a white shirt and a little bra and is ready to go. I do not shop like this! I need to try everything on. But there’s no time. OK, this is me just going with it. Pick some things out, and just buy them without trying them on. Kill me. I find a comfy looking striped blue and white long sleeve shirt, very busy comfy maroon-ish shorts, and a little canteloupe-colored camisole bra or whatever you call it. Can’t believe I’m doing this right now.

We drive to the theater. We’re definitely going to be late. OK, this is what we’re going to do. You’re gonna go in and get the tickets, I’ll get the popcorn. Then give it to you, I’ll run to the bathroom to change while you get us seats – you better get us good seats.

We pull into the parking garage. “Why don’t we just both change in the car.” Ugh, Nina, you’re ruining everything! But yes, that makes more sense. So we park. And look around before we start literally stripping off all our clothes. We exit the car and I look down at myself. I look completely ridiculous. Nina, of course, looks like she’s ready to go out. I really hate her sometimes.

We rush into the theater, late, and I change plans of course and run to the bathroom first to make sure I don’t look completely ridiculous. I do.

When I walk out, Nina is approaching me with a huge thing of popcorn and soda cup. Ugh, all our planning went right out the window! (Nina probably thinks I’m crazy.) What do you want to drink? “I don’t care, whatever you want.” I don’t care, you pick. “I really don’t care, whatever you want.” Nina, just pick something! “Fine! Fruit punch.” I look at the fruit punch. Long enough for her to know that I didn’t even know fruit punch was an option. I mean really, who drinks fruit punch when they go to the movies? No. “Fine, you pick!” Sprite. “Fine.” Do you want me to put in a splash of fruit punch?

Nina glares at me. “No.”

We walk into the theater on this Wednesday night at 9:05pm and it’s close to empty. My favorite way to see a movie. Nina walks us to the very back of the theater. God, I never watch movies back here! This is just all too much for me to handle.

We start watching the movie and it’s SO BAD. We are cracking up at how funny/bad it is. But then, I am not even kidding you, we become obsessed. This is amazing. I love this movie. (I’m really not kidding.)

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