The Oscars are this Sunday. I’m very excited. For the past three years, I’ve hosted an Oscar party and unfortunately, I will not be able to this year.

Because I have no TV. And I live in a garage.

But that’s OK, because Jon invited me to a party. Like two months ago. (I love planning things in advance.) Nina is coming, too (can’t get away from this girl), and hopefully Natalie and Gibby.

I’m ashamed to admit that I did not see the Golden Globes or the Critics’ Choice Awards. It’s unacceptable. But I had to work and… I don’t have a TV. Lol. I’m sure I could find it online. Maybe I’ll watch tonight…

But anyway, I have been able to watch a lot of the nominated films. I think the main ones I haven’t seen yet are Selma, American Sniper, and The Theory of Everything. So as of now, the following are my Top Ten Films of 2014, with my initial response to each movie right as the credits started to roll:

10. The Imitation Game: That was pretty cool. Interesting.

9. Nightcrawler: Jake Gylennhaal is so fucking creepy. And sexy. And the best actor ever. And so fucking creepy.

8. Foxcatcher: Fuck, man. Not cool. … FUCK! … What am I supposed to do right now??

7. Cake: (choking back tears) Man, fuck, I get it now… How did I not get it until now? (I think most people got it.)

6. I Origins: Ugh. My heart.

5. Gone Girl: Well, I can’t wait for marriage.

4. Obvious Child: Awwwwwwww! So cute, I wanna watch it again!

3. The One I Love:  Ohhhhhh shit dude, what did you do?!?!

2. Birdman: Welllllll, I don’t know how I feel about that.

1. Whiplash: (clap my hands once) Fuckin right! I am so pumped right now! YES!

I also saw St. Vincent, Dear White People, Big Eyes, Two Night Stand, and That Awkward Moment. The last two were so bad (I’m lying, I love me some stupid cheeseball comedy).

What else do I need to watch??

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