Any Given Sunday

Super Bowl Sunday. Jesus Christ. My life…

I work a double. 9am-7:30pm. I was hoping to make at least $400 and I only make $300. Whatever. Nina and I have been looking forward to a dirty gin martini for like, our entire shift. Basically getting me through this stupid day.

One martini turns into two. Then some of Nina’s friends show up. Then Frankie shows up with his crew. Then there’s shots. And now we’re going out. Obviously.

Frankie gets us an uber to JP’s. And the whole crew is here. And by whole crew I mean Leo and Alex and Hayley. Leo says something hilarious and I pull out my server book – with my $300 in it – to write down his quote. Because I’ve gotten in the habit of writing down funny things people say as they say them. Sure, I could write it in my phone, but I like writing things by hand. It feels more tangible. Also, my phone has basically completely crapped out. I guess because I have an iphone 4? And it just decided to stop working? But yea, it’s going black on the right side and the blackness is slowly creeping over more and more, filling up my screen like a horror film.

From JPs we uber to Gaslite. Apparently there’s karaoke. And dancing. And I’m drunk.

I wake up the next morning (where I wake up is irrelevant to the story), and go through my purse. No server book. And instead of my keys, I have Nina’s keys. I also have a little black clutch. I open it. Lots of credit cards and a license of some girl I have never seen in my life. So, I stole her clutch. It’s black and rectangular shaped, like my server book, soooo I try to put two and two together. What a fucking idiot.

Who won the Superbowl, anyway?

I get a ride home (again, irrelevant) and don’t know what to do. So I do the most adult thing I can think of: shower, eat, and fall back asleep until 12:30. Super hungover. (Being hungover is so not an adult thing.)

Finally get in touch with Nina. She’s at work. I uber there, because my car is there, and I have no keys. Thankfully, I have a spare. I search her car. Nothing. How did I end up with her keys and mine went completely missing? Also, why did I not put my cash somewhere safe, like, say… in my wallet? Just an idea.

Two days later, I’m pretty much over it. I lost $330 cash. Period. I talk to my Mom on the phone and tell her what happened, laughing the whole time. “You’re terrible. I mean, just the worst. I don’t even know what to say.” I continue laughing. I know. “Unbelievable, Lynn.” Yup, this is my life! “Yup. Move a little bit forward and then just… laugh it off.”

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