Martha Marcy May Marlene

I have written about my friend Lyndsey before, but since I’m supposed to recap, here’s a little on her:

Lyndsey and I have been friends since the sixth grade. (At one point we started a cult. No, not a club, or a group, but a cult. She was the leader.) She’s not really in my main group of girlfriends because they don’t get her or she doesn’t care to get them and anyway, Lyndsey doesn’t go out of her way to try and make friends. You’re either in or you’re out. We always fought growing up. She would always tell her Mom on me and her Mom would tell me to be nicer to her. She tells me like it is. I love her for her brutal honesty and pure hilariousness. I laugh every time we talk. She also calls me out on my shit and says the things I’m too embarrassed to say but am thinking.

We don’t talk often, but I can always count on her when I need her. Like recently, when Mike and I broke up and being newly single.

The following is a recent phone call with Lyndsey. I enjoyed it thoroughly and thought I would share. (She will probably text me after she reads this and tell me it was a stupid post. Oh well.)

We talk for a bit about stuff going on with her. She’s going through a break-up and just needs to talk. Then she asks, “So what’s going on with you?”

Well last night I waited on this guy who I thought was cute, so I wrote my name and number down on a piece of paper and right before he left I walked up to him and was like, OK, I’m gonna be quick about this, and I dropped the paper on the table and was like, this is my number and he laughed and was like, OK. And I was like, OK, and I ran away.

“Good job Linds! That took balls.” Thank you. “I’m on Everyone was telling me to go on it so I tried it.” Well that’s good. “But this one guy wanted to get dinner and I’m like, maybe we should just do lunch because what if we don’t really like each other? I don’t want it to be awkward for both of us, and people think that’s weird.” Um, I wish more people would say that. Actually, I think lunch is too much, it should just be to meet up for a drink or coffee. “But I don’t drink hot drinks.” You can get something iced! “I got a bottle of water. He was like, is that all you want? And I’m like, I don’t drink hot drinks. He’s like, that’s cool.”

Lynds you can be single for a little. “It’s already been a month.” If I got serious with someone after a month you would have yelled at me! “Um no. You are confusing me with someone else because that is not me. People say you need to find yourself or something. You don’t. You already know yourself, it’s time to move on to the next one. The only people who say to take some time to find yourself are fat and ugly.”

So I’m writing this screenplay and I realized my main character is really unlikeable so I was trying to give her a likeable trait. She doesn’t like people so I’m like, oh, she’ll have a connection with kids. Oh, it’s Lyndsey! “Hey, and animals and the elderly. Dick. I hope that guy texts you.” You are so weird. I do, too.

He doesn’t.

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