I’m no expert on relationships. That should be quite clear since I’m not even in one. And I’ve only really been in one real, hard core, head-over-heels-in-love relationship with a guy.
But I do have an opinion. I didn’t want to share before, because I don’t like to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do, because “every relationship is different.” But you know what, there is some shit you should know. And maybe if you see it in writing, it’ll help you.
So here’s my two cents.
This is only a realization because it happened with my sister, too. (She was also in a very long relationship that ended over a year ago. She is now with someone new and he’s great and that’s the only reason I will divulge this information.) She told me at one point when maybe she was unsure of things with her ex, but while they were still together, that if someone came along, whom she connected with, she wouldn’t let the fact that she had a “boyfriend” hold her back from something real. I’m not saying she would cheat, but she wouldn’t close herself off from feelings that she had.
At a point in my relationship, I had the same thoughts. It seems bad to put that in writing, and of course I never DID have a connection with a person to the point that it would effect our relationship, but that’s really not the point, is it? If you are in a relationship, and have these feelings, that you want to leave yourself open to “maybe” something better, then you should really just be single. Convincing yourself otherwise is a lie.
It doesn’t matter if you love him and can see your future together. If you have these feelings, they mean something.
I can remember an exact moment for me. I was driving in my car, alone, and thinking, maybe we shouldn’t be together. Maybe we should break up. And the thought scared me so much, that I decided right then and there, to just not think about it. Think about something else.
In hindsight, I realize how crazy that is, that I literally told myself to stop thinking about “bad things” because I didn’t want them to be true. They were true, no matter what. And the sooner you deal with that shit, the better. Honestly.
The only other thing I can add is this. If my ex proposed to me, I would have said no. I knew it in my heart and my gut. And people knew it. He knew it. After eight years, if you know you would say no, then be a fucking adult.
Again, it’s so easy to look back and know, but when you’re in it, it seems like this relationship is your whole world.
Guess what, guys. It so isn’t. You are your whole world. Be selfish and do what’s best for you. It’s liberating.
I’m single and I’m happy and I’m killin’ it (eh, whatever. I’m trying).
2014 was a great year. 2015 has a nice ring to it. I’m excited. You should be, too. Happy new year.