Elf

photo 2
Christmas tree toppers

November 7, 2014

I walk into Target and am hit in the face with Christmas. It’s EVERYWHERE. This was not part of the plan, but what can you do? I linger in the Spot Saver area or whatever it’s called where everything ranges from $1-$3. I never stop for all this cheap stuff that I don’t need. But when it comes to Christmas, I need everything.

When some people think of me, they think of Christmas. Sometimes I think that’s a little extreme. I mean, of course I love Christmas. Most people do. But in this moment, I know. The obsession is so real. Erin¬†recently told me I have OCD. Obsessive Christmas Disorder.

I can’t wipe the smile off my face. It’s ridiculous. I load my cart with Christmas cookie tins, gift boxes, a coloring book, post-it notes, straws, and finally walk away. That’s enough, Lindsay.

I go about my regular shopping, which just so happens to include butter, sugar, flour, and every kind of Toll House chip bag for cookies. It’s Christmastime. I bake cookies.

I get to the other side of the store and here is that Christmas corner. I literally gasp. And then catch myself looking like a lunatic. I proceed down every aisle, again, a smile plastered on my face. I want everything. There’s an aisle with tree toppers. They are so cute! I actually contemplate getting one. This one star looks cute. Next to the star is an angel. Oh, that’s a cute angel. Yes, I say this out loud. One of those, “I am my mother” moments that happens more and more often the older I get. I catch myself again and cannot believe how I am acting right now. Get a hold of yourself.

Wrapping paper, a necklace with a bell on it, and a plastic mug that says, “Happy Everything.” OK, I’m done. Seriously. Get out of here! Before you spend more money you don’t have!!! Do not turn around and buy that $60 fox that lights up! (God, he was adorable, though.)

***The following is a lip sync of an old classic.

2 thoughts on “Elf

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