It’s Girls Weekend 2013. Our fifth year. It’s even more of a big deal this year because we didn’t have it last year. I am basically in charge of planning and inviting even though I never host. Last year, I felt terrible that I couldn’t plan or be a part of my favorite weekend of the year, but I still wanted the girls to have it. But it never happened because Schultz had a newborn, LMonny gave birth, Christie gave birth and honestly, I am the planner. Things of this magnitude don’t happen without me. That’s also because the girls are probably afraid of organizing something without me and then dealing with me bitching about it. There are a lot of factors.
Every year, we spend it down the shore, usually in Ocean City, NJ, and once in Ocean City, Maryland. This year, because I was visiting home and two of the girls had babies and the following weekend was one of the girls’ bachelorette party’s, I figured it would be easiest if we kept it at home, in close quarters. So we had it all mapped out, as far as what and where would be happening when. The whole weekend was planned.
It starts with happy hour at my house Friday night. I should say, my parent’s house. Sitting on the back porch, listening to music and catching up with everyone. It’s weird how unweird it is to see everyone. I feel like I see them every day because we talk every day on Girl Talk. It’s a completely different vibe, though. We’re used to being just us in a basically isolated space. Here, we’ve got my parents and my sisters and it feels like the girls are acting more like guests than girls weekend goers.
We don’t exactly know how long we’ll stay here before heading to Heather’s for a sleepover, but it ends up being a little later. The twins figured since Mom made a lot of food and we have beer and wine for the party, they might as well have people over after we leave. So Dad gets home from work, then the Wilsons (Tyler and Michele) come over. I’m pretty sure Kelly and I are the only ones having fun and the girls are ready to leave. But now we’re in the dining room sitting around the table. Actually, the family and the Wilsons are sitting around the table. Kelly and I are in the corner, on the floor, as I read transcripts from the Outerbanks of us talking about the Wilsons. Because I secretly recorded us. I’m having way too much fun reading these out loud. Dad still can’t grasp that I recorded and wrote down everything we said. Tyler wants to know more about this Cards Against Humanity game. We tell him he’ll love it. So he goes on his phone and orders the game. You should get the expansion pack, too. Kelly explains it to him. “The expansion pack is more cards.” It’s like she realized what she was saying as she was saying it but Tyler can’t help himself. “Oh, is that what an expansion pack is?” Giggle fest ensues.
The girls leave and Kelly and I tell them we’ll be right there. By the time we arrive, they’ve already eaten and are downstairs sitting around the room, watching TV. Lauren Stever wants to show us some video. It ends up being her way of telling us (me and Christie) that she’s pregnant. I, of course, don’t get it right away and they all make fun of me. It’s actually super cute how she and Jordan captured telling their families that she’s pregnant. I’m not exactly surprised. Move in together, get married, have a baby. It was only a matter of time. Another girl pregnant. We’re getting to the point where someone is always going to be pregnant!
I’m ready for a dance party. So are Christie and Kelly. Obviously, the Stevers are, too. Heather tells us there are some rules Doug left for us. They’ve been written down. Titled, “House Rulz Hoes.” Then a list:
1. Stevers, you will not sing in the man room.
2. Don’t mess with my Bo Jackson ltd. sneakers.
3. If it’s not toilet paper, piss, or shit, it doesn’t go in the toilet.
4. Sorry, but I feel like this needs to be emphasized – Stevers, no singing in man room.
5. If you use ipad and see porn sites in history tab, don’t judge. I’m a man.
6. Here’s to the girls nights we love…. just kidding. Use this time to teach Heather a new toast. Love, Doug.
We proceed to dance, well, a few of us (the fun ones). Then everybody into the man room! We all grab different things from around the room – Christie throws on one of the Bo Jackson’s – and pose in a picture for Doug. (He kind of asked for it.)
It dies down after that. Everyone goes to sleep. Kelly and I stay in the man room and fall asleep watching TV from Doug’s recliners. The man room… gimme a break.