Mixed Emotions

A completed script
A completed script

The goal was to have a completed first draft by the end of April and I have a completed first draft by the end of April. It was not easy. During the experience I was, at different times, many things: excited, motivated, frustrated, rejuvenated, empowered, giddy, angry, scared, resigned, inspired, persistent, and proud.

Excited: I love deadlines. To know that I have to write a script in a month made me very excited because I knew that no matter what, I would write a full script in a month. No matter how crappy it is, it will be a full-length feature written by me.

Motivated: This wasn’t only a deadline for myself but for everyone in Writers Group. We kept a daily log of our pages for everyone to see and I’d always check to see where everyone else was and in turn, where I needed to be.

Frustrated: Just because I keep writing doesn’t mean any of it is good! How can I keep writing if I don’t even know my characters yet? I’m still getting to know them. How can I figure out my characters unless I have an ending? What’s the point of moving forward if I’m not prepared for it all?

Rejuvenated: Once a week, I’d have a Skype session with Dane about my progress. I would be lost, and he would say stop, let’s break it down, and figure it out. Every problem has a solution. Just keep going!

Empowered: I had an idea of what I wanted my script to be. I had an outline and all that, but sometimes as I was writing, I’d write a scene that I hadn’t planned and think, I actually really like this! Sometimes it was just a line, or a dumb joke. But I hadn’t planned it. It just happened. I just wrote it.

Giddy: I’m writing a screenplay! I know this first draft is going to need so so so much work, but the fact that I’m writing something that I believe will eventually be great, is amazing. Hey Lindsay, what have you been up to? Oh, I’m writing a screenplay. Giddy.

Angry: Why the fuck isn’t this all working itself out? I should have the answers by now. I should know how to put all the pieces together. This is so dumb. Oh, and Viki King? You suck. Who writes 30 pages in a day?

Scared: What if I write this thing and there’s no hope for it? What if I finish this draft and think, what a waste of time, this is the worst thing you’ve ever written. What if I know it can be better but I have absolutely no clue how to fix it?

Resigned: Why won’t my fingers keep typing? Because this is terrible.

Inspired: I’ve come so far, I’m almost done. But I’m not there yet, so I watch The Family Stone again. It brings me back to what I wanted to do in the first place. It gives me back that feel I want for the movie.

Persistent: I’ve written this much. I know my ending is going to suck, but write it anyway. I will fix it in the rewrite.

Proud: Page 111 and my screenplay is finished! I did it! I actually did it!

*The Rolling Stones

2 thoughts on “Mixed Emotions

  1. You did and then you took a long ass break. A blog to come, no doubt. 🙂 But proud is the one I felt most… very proud of you for working so hard. You rock. I’ve never left a comment here so I thought I would try it out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s