Wake up at 10:30am and John and Mandy are ready to go. Are you kidding?? Ugh. Let me sleep. It’s a painful drive home (not really, Mike’s driving). After I shower and shove down a hoagie (obviously), there is a bridal shower going on in my house. No, none of my sisters are getting married. Or even a relative. My Mom is throwing Christine’s best friend, Sarah Hays, her bridal shower. Totally normal. I mean, we do love Sarah Hays as one of the family. So between her friends and family and where they all live, our house was a central location for everyone. Apparently.
Technically, I think Sarah’s sister and Mom are hosting and just using our house, but let’s be serious. Mom can’t have a party in her house without contributing. The spread is ridiculous. So much good food. And cute little place cards that show what everything is (Sarah’s doing. Sorry to be confusing, but I mean Sarah my sister. The artistic one).
Hays comes into the kitchen looking all cute in her little summer dress as I am still scarfing down my hoagie. “Hey Lindsay!” Oh, hey Sara Hays (we always say her full name). “Thanks for dressing up.” You can see why we love her. I’m in jeans and a T-shirt and my hair is still wet from showering. Sorry Sara. I mean, I did this on purpose. I didn’t want to show up the bride-to-be.
The backyard looks adorable. A huge glass pitcher of water with cucumbers and mint and other things in it. I have a cup, then it’s on to Mom’s white sangria. What better way to cure my hangover? I know a handful of Sarah and Christine’s friends but not well. And then there’s her Mom and grandmother and a couple other old ladies. Everyone is so well behaved. I feel like I have to be good or something.
Later, LMonny comes over with Brand. We hang out on the back porch and now I see it as a danger zone. Really not baby proof. Mom grabs him immediately. He already looks bigger than the last time I saw him! He’s the cutest. Dad comes out and sits down, eating a plate of food. By now, Brand is crawling all over the place. He stops. Stares at my Dad, smiling. Dad doesn’t even look at him and somehow Brand is fascinated. Dad, Brand is smiling at you! He looks at him, smiles back, and goes back to eating. Is this how you were with us? “Yup. That’s how I got you to love me. By ignoring you.”
This explains so much.
After a bit, Lauren, Brand, and I head back to their house. She puts Brand in his high chair. “Do you want to feed him?” Um, yeah! Lauren hands me a bowl of what looks like mush and I turn to Brand. He’s crying. Loud. “He’s just hungry.” Well I guess I better feed him then. When the spoon gets close to his mouth, he’s still crying, but opens his mouth. I pull back, he keeps crying. Go to feed him again and he’s opening his mouth again but the crying never stops. I’m so confused. Lauren is walking around the kitchen doing things. Straightening up, I guess. I feel like she’s always moving around. Sean is home now and goes into the other room to eat a plate of food we brought him from the party. Well now Brand is crying and turning around in his seat to see Sean. Dad! Come over here!
Baby mush is getting everywhere. Laur, does he need a bib? “No, I’ll just take it off when he’s done.” There is so much food in this bowl I don’t think Brand will finish it. But he does. And cries through it all. Once he finishes eating, he’s fine again. Lauren has made me a bloody mary. Lovely. She undresses Brand and he’s a happy baby again. We go outside to sit and talk.
Then Mary Kay comes over. Mostly the reason I came over was to see her. We say hi and hug and chat for a bit, but she left something in the car, she’ll be right back. She’s gone a while. Next thing we know, she’s walking into the backyard wearing a huge reindeer head. I’m dying. Only Mary Kay. It’s not just the reindeer head, though. She’s also shaking maracas. It’s the whole package. Naturally, she’s just come from a yard sale. She’s always loved a good deal. Who doesn’t?
I think at this point in her life, Lauren doesn’t ask her Mom why anymore. So I do. Why on earth did you get a reindeer head? Her answer is quite simple. Mr. Montague dresses up as Santa every year. “I thought Johnny could be his sidekick.” Then Lauren asks the obvious question? “They only had the head?” “No, they had the rest of the body, they asked if I wanted it but I said no, I’ll just take the head.” So funny. Mary Kay stories always start funny and end hilarious.
Soon, Lauren is driving me back home. I walk in the backyard and there is this game I’ve never seen before – Kan Jam. Courtney and Kuda show me how to play. Like most yard games, your partner is on the other side. You throw a frisbee, trying to get it in the can. Your partner – who must have a drink in her hand – can use her other hand to try and knock the frisbee into the can, or for less points to just hit the can. This is really hurting my arm to knock around this frisbee and I’m basically terrible at this game, but I like it! We only get to play for a little bit because it’s getting dark. Time to move inside.
I can’t believe it’s already 9. This day flew by! And I’m ready for bed. I lay on the lounger in the living room, ready to fall asleep. I think I even announce it. One of my sisters then walks into the room. “Wanna play beer pong?” Yup!
And I’ve got my second wind. Me and Sarah vs. the twins. We lose. God dammit. I don’t even like writing that. Jeff is here now, along with Ed and Christina, and later Brooke. I text Kelly, trying to entice her to come over. We have a fire pit in the backyard and we’re playing beer pong! She comes right over. Dad gets home from work later and Kelly is now legitimately excited. “All you had to say was that your Dad would be here!”
Kelly and I are partners now. Dad stands by watching; gin and tonic in hand. Then Tyler and his wife, Michelle, come over. Kelly and I can’t stop talking about the wedding. And we keep calling him a priest. “I can’t believe the priest is here. And we’re playing beer pong.” It doesn’t make any sense, as a lot of what we do doesn’t, but we tell Tyler about Girls Weekend and ask him to officiate it for us. I still don’t know what that means, but I still want him to do it.
Kelly and I have some intense defense tactics while playing, because we’re not doing so well on offense. It’s pretty much known that I am Anne Frank and she is Peter, so we make up a song. “Anne Frank-and-Peter, Anne Frank-and-Peter.” Maybe not so much a song, but a chant. Things get weirder and we start singing about the Nazis.
Somehow it’s now 3am. Kelly and I are inside now, delirious. “I am so tireddddd.” What time is it? “3am!” What??? Oh my God I have to go to bed. Let’s hang out tomorrow.
*Dave Matthews Band