Don’t Make a Scene

Beers for the Oscars
Beers for the Oscars

I’ve never had a bad experience in Bevmo. Until this time. I’ve mentioned Bevmo before but I’ll remind everyone again that it’s the (somewhat) equivalent to a Joe Canal’s. So, lots of good beer and wine options. I’m stocking up for the Oscar party. I had one last year with Rich, Tara, Troy, and Jason in attendance – basically the only people I know. This year I know a few more people. I invite a bunch of people – way too many for Mike to handle. Every time I tell him I invite someone he huffs like they won’t fit in the apartment. But I know how parties go. People cannot commit. And even if they do, it’s not a real commitment (especially in California). Not to hate on California! But I don’t know these people enough yet to rely on a ‘yes.’ But see, it doesn’t matter. And that’s where the party planner in me comes out, no doubt because of Mom. She always has too much. Too much drink, food, entertainment. We never need it all, but just in case, we might! And that’s how I think.

So, we need beer. And not just beer, but options. I pick out a few 6-packs – Racer 5 IPA, Anderson Valley Winter Solstice, Anchor Steam Liberty Ale, Allagash White, and a couple of those fun DogfishHead Saisons. Then wine, of course. Two bottles of white and four bottles of red. We still have PLENTY of clementine vodka left over from when Sarah visited last summer (obviously Mike and I are not vodka drinkers). So I concentrate on mixers – gingerale, club soda, fresca, cranberry juice.

My cart is full. There are two heavy boxes full and a 4-pack of Allagash in the front (where I suppose a child is supposed to sit?). Every other time I’ve been here, I walk in the front entrance and back out the front entrance. Today I figure it won’t be any different, except to walk outside with a cart…I don’t know if that’s allowed. I’ve never had this much stuff before. There is a Target next door, which is the parking lot I used because I went to Target first, but there is no way to get to the parking lot from Bevmo (that I know of). I ask the guy bagging my stuff. Can I bring this outside? “Well where are you parked?” I’m in the Target parking lot. “Oh yea, that’s fine then, you can bring it down there.” Oh OK sweet.

Another guy is trying to bag my stuff as fast as possible. There are only two people in line behind me, but he seems like he thinks he has to hurry because there is a rush. No one else is here, buddy. I take my cart back out the way I came. As soon as I get to the front, and the doors automatically open, my cart stops moving. What the hell? I’m now stuck on the carpet, right at the entrance, trying to move forward. My wheels are not turning. What is happening. I think my cart is broken. People are walking in. I am absolutely, completely in the way. Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with my cart, it won’t move. I walk a small distance to another cart, because I can’t possibly leave all my stuff sitting here. Bring the cart over, transport everything from one cart to the other. Try again. The wheels lock up as soon as I try to go outside. What the fuck is happening. Mind you, there is no way the two guys who checked me out don’t notice that this is happening. They’re not right next to me but they’re certainly close enough. I try to yell to them without actually yelling, because I can’t just leave all this stuff here. Can someone help me? The guy who is serious and rushing finally walks over with a magic wand and waves it down by my wheels and my cart is now able to move. No explanation. I, of course, talk to him. This is crazy! I’ve never experienced this before, so weird. He barely even looks at me. “You have to use the elevator.” Oh. Um, OK, where is that? He points to the back. I have to turn around the corner. He didn’t tell me to go that way. It’s the complete opposite direction of the way I went. Like, dude, you saw me walking to the front entrance with a cart. Why didn’t you stop me if you knew I couldn’t take the cart out there?

So, I start walking that way. Turn the corner, and there’s an elevator at the end of the hall on my left. There is a stray cart sitting there in front of the elevator, so I move my cart around it to the right, just to get by. My wheels lock up again. There’s a guy already waiting at the elevator. As soon as he sees me move my cart in that direction, he tells me to watch the line. Huh? What? “If you go over the line it will happen again.” (Obviously he witnessed me earlier.) What fucking line? I don’t even see the line, after he says it. My cart stops moving. AGAIN. Oh my God. The guy gets on the elevator and leaves me. Why shouldn’t he? I walk back down the hallway, keeping my cart in sight. Again, yell, sort of, in the direction of the employees. Um, can someone help me? My cart locked up again. Now, they look annoyed, which I have to tell you, really pisses me off. No one has explained anything to me. They waved their wand and told me to go another way. They never took the time to explain what was happening, as if I should know that carts here lock up so you can’t go outside SO HOMELESS PEOPLE DON’T STEAL THEM. In case you weren’t sure, that’s the sole purpose.

The sidekick guy comes over to me with the wand again. I laugh and try to make a joke of it. This is so weird! I’ve never experienced this before. No response at all. Waves his stupid self-righteous wand and walks away. I get on the elevator. Every minute that passes I get more and more worked up. I feel stupid that I didn’t know about the grocery cart, but I hate that they made me feel so stupid by not acknowledging my misunderstanding. Why should I have known? Even so, they could have been more understanding and just nice about it. I’m getting worked up now, dammit.

I post it on GirlTalk and am re-affirmed that I am not, in fact, crazy, and most of them never heard of that. I need them to validate my ignorance. They do. I hate that I get this worked up about something so stupid and insignificant, but it’s just the way I am. I know I need to not let it bother me and I need to let it go but I just can’t. I get to Writers Group early and tell Dane the story because I am so flustered by the experience. He reassures me that those guys sucked. He has never experienced that either. This is what I need to hear but it still bothers me.

On a plus note, I do love the Dollar Tree. It’s so much better than the Dollar Store or the 99 Cent Store. I needed to go here for some other party things and realized I haven’t been here since I lived in North Hollywood. I get some big and small plates/napkins, a couple pot holders, a couple coffee mugs (we only have one now) and four wine glasses. Now, I had four decent wine glasses and three of them broke. Then I ordered four even nicer ones online. Only have one left. The Dollar Tree has these amazing wine glasses and yes, I stand by amazing, because they are, ESPECIALLY for one dollar. I bought one of these when we lived in North Hollywood. Mike eventually broke it and I was so, so mad at him. He knew it cost a dollar and kept saying that. “You got it at the Dollar Store. I’ll get you a new one.” First of all, he never did. Second of all, it’s not the Dollar Store. It’s the Dollar Tree. Way better. I buy all these things and check out and it’s $12. Oh my God, I need to come here for everything!

*Atlas Genius

2 thoughts on “Don’t Make a Scene

  1. I’m mad reading this. Fucking explain yourselves! Carts don’t just lock up on the east coast, bitches…do I look homeless to you??

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