Now I’m All Messed Up

Just another Saturday night with Hawkes, Jordan and Junior
Just another Saturday night with Hawkes, Jordan and Junior

I’ve been drinking a lot lately. I’ll go ahead and say too much. Most of the time it’s at work, which can’t be said for most normal people. It’s just so easy and fun! Here’s scenario one. I’m working. It’s busy and crowded and people are starting to piss me off. Namely, drunk fools. I’m here until 1am. Around 11:30 or midnight is when I start to get fed up with it. Junior, hit me. Junior is one of the bartenders. At this point in the night, he’s had at least a few and doesn’t hesitate to pour me a shot. I mean, everyone just wants to have a good time. If you’re having a good time, it makes it easier to have fun with your customers and deal with all the drunkness around you.

Here’s scenario two. I have nothing going on in my section. I’m bored and not making any money. Might as well drink! See what I did there? But lately it’s been offered to me more than normal. Instead of asking for a drink, the bartenders are just putting them in front of me. There are two options: Jameson or spicy tequila. The spicy tequila is made in-house. One of our bartenders, Sean, created it. It’s actually called Mama’s Boy and he’s at the stage now where he is bottling it and selling it. It’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted. The tequila is infused with jalapeno peppers, serrano chili peppers, mango, and pineapple. Let it sit for about five days and it’s ready to go. It has a nice sweetness to it but hits with you a hot smack in the face. It’s off the charts delicious. Anyone who tries it, loves it. Obviously I prefer the spicy tequila. But if we’re running low or the bartender just decides to pour me Jameson, I’m not going to say, oh please, no, I only drink spicy tequila. Besides, Jameson is Jameson. Not exactly sure what that means, but you know what I mean.

The Saturday before the Superbowl is one of the nights where… actually I can’t remember if I was bored or busy, but I drank a lot. First had a couple shots with some customers (you can’t ever turn a customer down!). At this point we’re down to me and Brooke because we close together, so every time Junior pours one shot, he pours two. And sometimes, Junior doesn’t use the shot glasses. He uses the rocks glasses which means a bigger pour which means three shots in one. I don’t know how much I drink, but I know we go back and forth one too many times between Jameson and spicy. It gets to a point where I’m turning him down. Don’t pour me one! If you pour it then I have to drink it! Obviously, there’s no other way!

Bennette, Rocco, Roxy
Bennette, Rocco, Roxy

Finally at the end of the night, we’re all sitting at the bar, doing our paperwork. Junior puts a shot of Jameson is front of me, and a glass of red wine because I always drink at glass of wine at the end of my shift. I stare at the shot. I literally cannot do it. I don’t. Bernabe takes it for me. Then, Junior, unprecedented, places the rest of the bottle of wine between me and Brooke and tells us to finish it. What is happening. We don’t. We can’t.

The next day is the Superbowl and I’m in at 1pm to work a double. Not feeling too great today. Wonder why. But it’s the Superbowl! You know what that means…shots. Eventually, later in the night. But yes, they do happen. The Superbowl isn’t as busy as I hoped. Mostly because there’s no turnover. People come in today, stake out their table and sit for the rest of the night. I’m a little too preoccupied to watch the game. Besides, I don’t really care too much who wins. I’m only bummed because I’m missing all the commercials. But the absolute highlight of the game is the halftime show. It’s hilarious because all day, people have been watching the TV’s while drinking and talking and eating. But when Beyonce takes the stage, every single person in the bar, including the staff, stops and stares, full attention at the screen. When the girls from Destiny’s Child take the stage, some people actually scream. It’s as if there’s a live concert going on in Brick+Mortar.

Spinnin' rhymes (not sure if that's a thing)
Spinnin’ rhymes (not sure if that’s a thing)

Friday afternoon I do a Skype happy hour session with Kelly. 5pm for her, 2pm for me, so a little early in the day. Not that I mind. I start with Allagash and then drink white wine. Kelly drinks whiskey and vitamin water. It’s so fun. Kelly just started CrossFit and tells me about her first day. It’s great because Bobbi Jean and her are doing it together, so they can motivate each other. Kelly tells a really funny story, mostly because I know her and Bobbi Jean and the interaction is just funny. Bobbi Jean’s Dad came to CrossFit. Which is funny enough right there. I wish we all did CrossFit and all our parents came and did it, too. It would be awesome. So he comes in wearing jeans and Bobbi Jean asks a somewhat rhetorical question. “Why is he wearing jeans?” To which Kelly responds, “I don’t know, he’s your Dad.” So he does the whole workout in jeans and Kelly can’t believe it. “I mean, guys jeans are thicker. It’s not like he’s wearing stretchy jeans.”

We talk about a bunch of different things and read one of my shorts, acting it out. Heather’s wedding shower is this weekend, and Kelly has been put in charge of distracting Heather in the parking lot, so she doesn’t recognize people’s cars. I don’t know, Kel, Heather is definitely going to recognize people’s cars. “I’m a REALLY good distractor.” Well, no argument there. It’s dinnertime for Kel and she takes me – well, the laptop – into the kitchen to start baking some chicken wings. As I figured she would, Kelly begins to host a cooking show, and I am her audience. “I do this all the time when no one’s home. Seriously. You’re the first person I’m telling.” We finally end our Skype session two hours and forty minutes later. I’m a little toasted when Mike comes home. We have dinner, I drink another glass of wine and I’m passed out by 10pm.

Steve Perrong is in town for a week. His boss sent him out to take a class on the RED camera. So jealous. His first night here, he and Mike come into Brick+Mortar for dinner. It’s a Sunday and the Grammy’s are on. I bring over three shots of spicy and we cheers to Steve being in town. The boys continue to drink some beers and have dinner. Towards the end I bring over three huge shots of Jameson. Happy Sunday! They were expecting the spicy, and Jameson is just so much more intimidating. Steve doesn’t have much to say. “Wow.” Mike chimes in. “Lindsay gets drunk every night she works.”

Hmmm. Yea, this needs to stop.

*Tegan and Sara

2 thoughts on “Now I’m All Messed Up

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