From Finner

I'm not even going to try and say I was a cute baby...and this isn't one of the bad ones
Babies are so… tiny

Tara and I meet up for lunch. Actually, since I don’t have the car, she drives to my apartment and we walk over to Abbot Kinney. It’s a little dark and dreary but the temperature is just right and I still complain about there being no sun. Tara laughs. “We are so spoiled.” We so are.

I talk non-stop the whole walk, telling Tara about all my ideas for the screenplay. (It’s working title is Untitled Screenplay, because that’s what Final Draft automatically calls it if you don’t give it a name. The title of my movie is not my biggest concern at this time.) I first tell her the general idea: a family celebrates their first Christmas without their mother because she died last year on Christmas Day. As the words are coming out of my mouth I realize what I’m saying. Not that I didn’t know that Tara’s Mom died, but I just wasn’t thinking about the connection when I came up with the idea. So I stop. Soooo, if any of this sounds unrealistic please tell me because I obviously don’t know what I’m talking about. She just laughs and tells me to go on. I’m glad I can talk to Tara about this. She tells me I should also talk to Colette, so I do. I email her and end up crying while I’m writing it because just thinking about it makes me so sad.

We settle on a little Mexican place for lunch. Tara tells me it’s good. I’ve passed it a million times but have never been inside. Oh, it’s so cute! I’m overwhelmed by all the choices so I just get the same thing as Tara. A stuffed quesadilla – she gets shrimp, I get pork. And of course we share chips and guac.

OK, enough about me. How are you? How is pregnancy?? Tara is due in May, which seems like it’s just around the corner. She tells me a lot of things which I am now hesitant to write. But it’s pretty awesome to have an inside look. “Anyone who tells you they love being pregnant is lying. This one lady said, ‘Oh, after you give birth you’ll miss your belly.’ Um no, I will not miss being the size of a whale.” (Maybe she didn’t say whale, but definitely a large creature.)

July 1985 (11 months old)
July 1985 (11 months old)

Tara looks great by the way, and she’s doing yoga which I’m sure is the best exercise to do when you’re pregnant. I mean, not that I know. But now that everyone is having babies I have become fascinated by the idea of giving birth. I always thought I would definitely get an epidural. Just give me the drugs! But then Mom said she only did that with the twins and it was a last minute decision and she freaked out and had a panic attack because she couldn’t feel her legs. Then after the twins were born, she couldn’t get around nearly as well as she did with the rest of us. LMonny had a similar situation with the epidural and says for her next pregnancy she’s going natural. I tell Tara this, thinking she may not know, and she is way ahead of me. She’s already planning to go natural but obviously, if anything goes wrong or it’s too painful, she could still get the epidural. She tells me to watch a documentary called The Business of Being Born. It’s on Netflix (isn’t Netflix the best). I do. And let me tell you: it’s gross. I have never been scared to give birth, because obviously we are made to do it, but now I’m scared. The whole process seems awful. Guys are so lucky. The whole time I’m watching I can’t sit still. I pick my nails, I rub my legs, I close my eyes. I always get physically uncomfortable with this kind of stuff.

A lot of my friends have babies now or are planning to, so it’s a hot topic. I like to hear what it’s like to be a new Mom. Most of it seems awesome. I always thought leaving home after college is a natural thing. It’s normal to move for a job or your significant other’s job, or just to get away from home. But I’m starting to believe it’s really to get away from all the relatives for when you have a baby. Because family can become a little overwhelming. I’m sort of kidding. But not really.

Mike and I are sitting at home watching TV. There’s a cute kid in a commercial or on some show. He loves kids. “It would be so cool if there was a baby here right now.” Sure Mike, we could put his crib between the end table and the refrigerator. (Oh yea, by the way, we got a real, full-size refrigerator!!!! Yay!!!!)

*Of Monsters and Man

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