8am wake up call and I didn’t get in until after 1am last night. I can’t seem to catch up. Kelly and Michele pick me to go to Beth’s Hair Salon. Can we please stop for coffee? Yes, we can. Finally, my first Wawa trip since I’ve been home. I love Wawa. As we’re getting coffee I get excited. Guys, I’m so excited right now. Kelly is, too. “I know! It’s your first wedding!” No, I’m so excited to be in Wawa.
This is my first time at Beth’s Hair – it’s really nice. I have no idea what to do with my hair. I ask the girls, and Jackie tells me she always just says messy. I like that. OK, messy. And braids. I love braids. As the lady is doing my hair I realize the last time I had my hair done was for senior prom, 10 years ago. It’s weird, but cool. I feel a little giddy, actually. Megan offers me a glass of champagne but I stick with the coffee for now – it’s going to be a long day.
Seems like a long time we’re at Beth’s, getting our hair and make-up done. Finally at around 1 we all head over to Stever’s parents house. I’m starving. Of course. We just sit around for a while, having lunch, chatting, and now yes, I’ll have some champagne. Somehow, there’s a conversation about texting while driving and a recent accident that happened. It’s a horrible story, and we all agree that we shouldn’t text while driving, but admit that we all do it. Someone decides to make a pact (I can’t remember who) that we won’t do it anymore. It’s legit as we all put our hands in – even little Ally, the flower girl, puts her hand in.
Conversation is easy with these girls. I don’t remember most of what we talk about; I mostly remember laughing. As it nears the time to leave, Kelly doesn’t want to go. “Aw, can’t we just stay here all day? Tell Jordan to come over.” I don’t think that’s going to happen. We get in our dresses and the photographer takes a bunch of pictures of Lauren in her wedding dress, then group shots of us outside. My feet already hurt. I’m such a baby.
We sit around a bit longer, sipping on champagne and waiting for the trolley to pull up. Lauren is a wound up ball of energy, nervous and excited for her big day. “The trolley’s going to be here in seven minutes!” Yea, you’re going to be walking down the aisle soon. “I know… fuck.”
I love the trolley. It’s adorable. All the girls are drinking beer but I’d rather stick with champagne. We only have beer, Lindsay. OK, fine, give me a beer. We sit in the parking lot outside the church for a bit, waiting until they tell us to go in. I see the deacon arrive and walk in the church. Then one of the groomsman comes on the trolley. “The deacon just got here – he didn’t think it started until 5:00.” It starts at 4. Oh well, guess we’ll drink some more beer! The windows are tinted and it’s hysterical watching our friends arrive. First Tommy, who we scream to, but he doesn’t see or hear us. Then Zack and Christie pull up, and Christie spends five minutes with a lint roller on Zack’s suit. Now it’s a little after 4, when we were supposed to start, and RJ is walking/running up the church steps with a look of anxiety on his face. I love it.
It’s finally time to go in and I’m nervous again. I really thought I would enjoy walking down the aisle. I keep looking at LMonny, telling her to tell me when to go. When I do, I’m smiling and nervous and feel my face getting hot. Halfway down the aisle I feel my face start twitching from smiling so hard. Oh, thank God, I made it. I bow with Jordan’s brother, Josh, then walk around the pew and watch the rest of the girls come down. The worst is over. It’s nice having front row seats at a wedding – I don’t miss anything. Megan sits down next to me and whispers to me. I hear panic in her voice. “I forgot to take her flowers!” I’m confused. You were supposed to take them? Obviously I wasn’t really paying attention at the rehearsal. I look up and see Lauren sitting next to Jordan with the flowers in her hands. Shit. I whisper to LMonny on my left, feeling Megan’s panic. LMonny, unsurprisingly, is unphased by this. Finally, I see it register on Lauren’s face that she’s holding her flowers. She mouths to Megan, “You forgot to take the flowers.” Captain Obvious.
Thankfully, some chick starts singing and Meg takes the opportunity to quickly go up and take the flowers. Everything is OK. The ceremony itself is pretty uneventful – well, not uneventful – they get married – but you know, it’s long and church-y. I really just enjoy watching Lauren and Jordan’s reaction to everything. At one point, Jordan follows Lauren to the altar and steps on her dress. She has a long train and Jordan just didn’t give her enough space. It’s completely silent in the church and the ripping sound echoes off the ceiling. I can feel myself holding my breath as I see Lauren turn and give Jordan a look. He looks like a puppy with his tail between his legs. Apparently, the bridal party should be back up there, too, but again, we didn’t really pay attention at the rehearsal. The deacon has to instruct us. “Would the bridal party like to join us?” Shit. OK, let’s go. I’m first, but have to wait for Josh so we can bow together. I look over at the groomsmen and they’re all still sitting. God. Helloooo. I’m waving Josh over to me.
We sit back down again and I ask LMonny if we have to go up anymore. No, we’re done. It’s almost over. Just enough time for Jordan to step on Lauren’s dress one more time. This time I see Lauren REALLY give him a look. I have to keep myself from laughing out loud. But I’m pretty sure I do.
Outside, we wait for a bit and then have to take a picture in front of the trolley. I groan, but I’m not the only one. Worst bridesmaids ever. The ride over to the reception is fun. We’re finally with the groomsmen, none of whom I know but once we’re all drinking everyone is having a good time. More pictures to come at the Mansion, but first, champagne and hors d’oeuvres. A group of us bridesmaids our housing everything in front of us. Finally, LMonny tells us we should stop and wait for dinner. Heather sees the hilarity in this. “The pregnant lady is telling us to stop eating. I think we should stop.”
While we’re waiting outside, I walk around with Mandee and Kelly, telling Mandee to take weird pictures of us in front of different statues. Seriously, we’re 12. We see a sign that says Beware of Swan. Well, that’s silly, let’s take a picture in front of it. Mandee’s husband walks over. “Where’s Ally?” (Flower girl; their daughter). “She took a walk over there with (one of the groomsmen).” I don’t remember the kid’s name, but he’s a big football player type walking with Ally about a 100 feet away from us. They’re right up against the fence, and a swan is approaching. Aw, it’s coming right up to them. It suddenly shoves it’s beak through the fence and with it’s long neck almost gets Ally. Instead, it gets the groomsmen foot. Crazy swan. Who knew?
After another slew of pictures we can head into cocktail hour. It goes by in a blur. I haven’t seen so many of these people in so long and I’m trying to catch up with everyone. There’s Colette and Greg, Schultz and Nick, RJ and Kelly. As soon as I finish a conversation there’s another person asking me, “How’s California?” Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing my friends and catching up, but the more I talk about California the more boring it sounds. Let’s talk about you.
And like that, we’re being shuffled into the hallway for the bridal party entrances. Where’s Josh? I still really haven’t even talked to him through this whole thing. He’s very quiet. I have an idea for our entrance and I hope he’s down. Josh, have you seen The Hunger Games? “What’s that?” Damn. OK, well, it doesn’t matter. How about this. We walk out together, then you go ahead without me, enjoying the attention and acting like you’re the man. I get pissed off and pull out an arrow. When you’re like 10 steps away, turn around, I shoot you with the arrow and you fall down dead (I act like I’m just thinking of this idea right now, but really I was thinking about it all last night before bed). “I just fall down?” Yea, like I just killed you. Can you do it? “Yea.” OK, let’s practice. “Nah, I got it.” Are you sure? We should practice. “No, I got it.” I really want to practice, but Josh has actually agreed to do it, so I don’t want to push him. “And after you kill me you should do the Dougy.” What? I don’t even know how to do that. Another groomsmen shows me. OK fine, I’ll do it since you’re doing everything else. I’m nervous again. Now, and right before I walked down the aisle I was really hoping I’d be drunker. I’ve been in a steady haze all day. We go out and Josh nails it. He’s great. I’m so impressed with him because once he’s out there he’s not as shy as I thought he was. It goes well, except for my Dougy skills. I’m not sure how many people actually knew what we were doing, but it was still fun.
We take our seats and I’m happy that the bridal party doesn’t have to sit up front with the bride and groom, just because now I can hang out with Doug, Heather, Tommy, RJ, and Kelly. Mr. Montague walks over to me as someone is speaking on the microphone – probably Mr. Stever. I haven’t seen him yet so we’re just catching up. “I was watching this show – did Lauren tell you?” No, but I can guess what he’s going to say because Mr. Montague says it all the time and it never gets old. “Well I think it was CSI and I told Lauren, Lindsay could play that part (of the girl in the show).” It always makes me smile. We continue talking until I hear Mary Kay in a hushed yell telling Mr. Montague to be quiet because Mr. Stever is speaking.
After the reception we take the shuttle back to the hotel. It takes a while to get back, and we quickly go up to our rooms to change. I’m in a room with Kelly, Michele, and Tommy. A few doors down from us is Doug and Heather, who walk down to our room – which smells weirdly of Burger King – as soon as their ready. We head down to the hotel bar, but not without Doug falling down first. Yes, he should obviously keep drinking. I’m not quick with my camera – it’s just that Doug is so slow to get up. After we all make fun of him, we finally get downstairs around 1am.
Heather dares Doug to get the bartender’s number, so he spends the next hour sitting at the bar talking to the not-cute bartender. Needless to say, he fails, and when the bar closes, my friends decide to purchase the most expensive 6-packs to continue drinking outside. Really, we’re still going? I’m so beat. Heather and Michele keep yelling at me to stay, but Kelly quietly sneaks me the hotel key. I stay with them a bit longer. Long enough for Tommy to get so frustrated by me because he asks us what vegetable this random plant or flower looks like that’s sitting on the table. I say a lot of things, but when I say pumpkin it’s like I just offended him. “Why would you say pumpkin? This looks nothing like a pumpkin. A pumpkin is ORANGE. This is GREEN.” Well I wasn’t saying the color, I was saying the shape. We’re all guessing and no one can figure it out. The more we guess, the more Tommy gets mad at us, and the funnier it gets. (Not that it really matters, but the “right” answer was brussel sprout.)