Usually, I write down a New Years’ Resolution each year. Didn’t this year and not really thinking to. They’re always the same – something about losing weight and more recently something about being more motivated for acting. I’m sick of that. I’d rather just stop thinking so much and live each day for what it is. I’ll always make lists. I can’t stop myself from doing that – definitely an OCD thing. I’ve made lists since high school. It was sophomore or junior year when the JV basketball coach – Coach B – asked me about it. I can’t remember why, but he knew I was obsessed with being organized even though I wasn’t organized, if that makes any sense. For Christmas that year, he bought me a planner. Like, a ridiculously nice, big, black planner where you could write your whole day in from 8am-10pm. I went crazy with details: wake up, shower, eat, and obviously all the important things that I needed to keep track of. It was the beginning of the end of me. Every year since I always buy a planner for the year and carry it with me wherever I go. I haven’t bought one for 2012 (but I have like 5 little notepads and of course keep notes in my phone at this point). Even writing this I feel like I should go out and buy one, but I’m trying to resist.
One major thing on my mind is this blog. An unexpected pasttime that I’ve become obsessed with, thanks to such a good reception. But writing every day is hard, and sometimes stressful, which is certainly not the point. Of course, I want to continue writing. It makes me happy and satisfied in a way I’ve never felt, and it’s an amazing release – but I’m constantly behind and losing track of my days. Two days a week should do the trick (maybe three, nothing definite yet). Just wanted to put it out there so I don’t get hounded to get my shit together (A Lo).
Things are slow right now in the acting world, or so it seems. Most people I talk to tell me nothing is going on right now, which makes me feel better since I haven’t had an audition in a while. Should definitely pick back up in February – people say. I’m not trying to slack off in acting; I’m just trying to be able to live out here right now. I don’t want to leave. “At least two years you need to give it a try.” That’s what they say. I’m OK. Not great, but OK. Mike is not OK, and we are in it together, so we need to get our feet on the ground. He needs a job. This internship he’s with is great. Almost all the interns here get jobs, but not until after three months. It’s only been a month for Mike. He’s trying to stick with it and hold on, but it’s tough. We will get through this. Mike will get a job and we’ll be OK, eventually. It doesn’t happen overnight. We just need to stick it out and get through this time.
Finding our own place is another thing we need to do. We’ve been together for five years, and we are at a point where we need to be on our own. No more roommates. I dream about it. Just us. God, I can’t wait. We’re looking for a place near Venice, so I can ride a bike to work (will have to buy that), and Mike can use the car – or vice versa depending on the job Mike gets. I’m optimistic; not unrealistic. Mike is a very hard worker; the kind of people they need out here. It’s only a matter of time before he gets some work.