I wasn’t expecting this blog to be a big deal. I thought about doing it, but it was actually another field hockey coach who suggested I commit to it. It was after our end of the season coaches’ meeting (I was the head coach at the Spence School in Manhattan). We all went out for a couple drinks afterwards and I sort of let everyone know that I probably wouldn’t be back next year. They were all excited but sad to see me go. MJ, a coach at one of the other schools, was passionate about it, especially when I told her I used to be a sportswriter. When I told her we were driving across the country she threw her hands up like there was no other option but to write a blog. “It should start from when you put the keys in the ignition.”
She seemed more excited about it than me, which of course, got me excited. I made a decision that night, four days before we were leaving, to do it. I wanted to announce it to my family and friends, but I didn’t know if it would be anything really worth reading.
The night before departure, I was a mess. I went from feeling nothing to feeling everything all at once and it was too overwhelming. When we left Sunday, I was not OK. The boys seemed more excited than anything. I had no one to talk to. Then I wrote my blog. It felt wonderful. But more than that, the responses felt even better. I know my friends and family support me, but this was something more. I don’t know how to explain it. It was free-ing.
When I skyped with my girlfriends days later, it was the first day nobody commented on my blog. I was self-conscious. Was it boring? Uninteresting? Lame? I voiced this to the girls. “NO!” was the unanimous response. “I felt like I was commenting too much!” (Now I think they might comment just to make me feel better…it does.)
I’ve had other people reach out to me, as well (that’s for you Kel): an old friend from elementary school, a high school buddy I haven’t talked to in too long, college friends I haven’t spoken to since we graduated, family friends I weren’t aware were reading it. It makes me feel…not alone.
I felt like I should put this out there as a thank-you. You are all pushing me forward. I wanted to keep a daily blog for just the first week and then only post when something interesting happened, but it’s become a responsibility. I feel like I need to blog every day, and I enjoy it. If there’s really nothing going on in my day, then shit, I need to get out there and do something. This blog is motivation!
So thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. Thank you for posting. When I spend the day looking for jobs and acting gigs and find nothing, I still feel a sense of accomplishment when I post this thing. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and experiences with you. You all rock.